Today was my biggest little brother’s (Jack’s) graduation ceremony. 

It was in our driveway. In 80 degree weather. With most of our immediate family. 

Honestly, despite how unconventional it was and maybe even how unfair it was to Jack – we all had a lovely time.

As I continue to process with this blog I find myself wondering if I should’ve chosen a different topic. Not because my family hasn’t grown but because I get rather emotional writing about it.

My family has changed.

Myself and Jack.

It’s nice to write about the happy stuff in our little family of four. It’s wonderful really. But to get to that happy stuff, we had to go through some pretty emotional, traumatizing, painful bumps in the road.

But I want to continue with this topic as I feel it is important to face these emotions. 

After all, this blog is about GROWTH. Being able to write through the change – good and bad – is a sign of growth.

Am I making sense yet?

J A C K

If anyone had to deal with a quarantined graduation ceremony – of course, it would be Jack. 

He always jokes that he is the classic middle child. That he is the “forgotten” child. And if anyone was going to have a “lame” graduation it would be him. 

The Jack I knew even 3 years ago would have thrown a tantrum. He would have

Joshua and Jack.

refused to go out into the driveway to receive is a temporary paper diploma. He wouldn’t have put on the gown because it was a little too short. He wouldn’t have worn the cap because it was a little too small.

He would have been happy to just receive the diploma in the mail. 

Jack has a strain of autism. Specifically Aspberger Syndrome. 

This makes it hard for Jack to say how he feels. He bottles up his emotions until he cries or has an angry snap. He also has to wear certain socks and sneakers. And he NEEDS to know “the plan” every single day. 

Even if it’s just no plan. The plan could be to hang out at home for the day.

L I V I N G  W I T H  J A C K

Jack has definitely changed. He’s matured I should say – obviously. 

But the way he copes and expresses his emotions through his autism has not changed. We, as a family, have changed how we address and handle Jack’s feelings.

We used to fight. We used to scream. We used to cry.

We would say words we didn’t mean. We would inflict harm when it wasn’t necessary. We would poke fun at something he can’t control because we didn’t know how to cope.

Our Mom and Jack.

It was awful.

He would fight. He would scream. He would cry. 

Yet, he would only say words that he meant. He would inflict harm but only because he was confused. He would never poke fun at others because he took everything so seriously. 

It was confusing.  But it was Jack.

J A C K  T O D A Y

Living with Jack now compared to just a year ago is a completely different experience. I feel quarantine has a big part in that. We have been forced (rightfully so) to live – quite literally – on top of each other since mid-March.

You get to know a person. 

Spending these few months with Jack has taught me how to properly deal with his emotions. And quite honestly his lack of emotion.

Due to his form of autism, his brain chemistry disables Jack from being able to just talk to others about how he feels. If he was angry or upset we couldn’t help him because he wouldn’t tell us what was wrong. This led to loud fights, screaming matches, and slammed doors from both my family and Jack. 

After a few charged conversations with Jack, I began to better understand the why behind why can’t we help you, Jack? It wasn’t our fault. It wasn’t his fault. Jack just copes differently than most. Through these coping skills, we are better able to understand how Jack is feeling and why he is feeling that way.

Our mom’s fiance, Derek, Jack, and our mom.

For example, if he plays his Nintendo Switch upstairs in the living room he is happy, content, and at ease. If he is wearing his sneakers in the house while eating junk food he is worked up about something. If he is rubbing his hands up and down his legs while watching a movie he is sad. 

If anyone else in my family was feely happy, anxious, or sad – we would all speak up. Jack wouldn’t do this. But as he expressed to me how he feels while doing all these things it became easier to “read” him.

Isn’t that funny? Being able to “read” someone. It’s almost as if I have been trying to translate The Book of Jack my entire life but just after a few conversations he gave me the “translation codes” to understand.

G R O W T H

I feel so lucky to have been able to have those conversations with Jack and to have applied what he told me to our relationship. I have learned that he is the most compassionate, selfless, and intelligent man I have EVER met. And I get to call him not only my baby brother but my friend. And today I got to watch him graduate.

And I think that is something that made this ceremony worth celebrating.